(Save My Snack)
The Worst Cooking Fail Ever? (You Decide!)
Welcome roasters to another installment of Food Crimes also known as the court of culinary justice where we roast the worst food offenders in the land! Today we’re putting on trial, a culinary abomination from the state of California. A dish so heinous it should be banished from the Earth. I give you, the mastermind behind this culinary catastrophe, Isiah, and his heinous creation: Peanut Butter Chicken Treats. That’s right folks, someone let this man near a stove with a jar of Skippy. Let the roasting begin!
Evidence
The Crime Scene: Next Time Just Order Takeout…
Roast
Now, let’s talk about your “Hills Have Eyes” looking chicken. That chicken is beyond burnt. Not just a little burnt, but a full-on “I think I might need a fire extinguisher” kind of burn. I bet Colonel Sanders is spinning in his grave right now. Did you cook this over the sun because I’m pretty sure I can see smoke signals rising from this charred offering? Talk to me Isiah… I need to know why this monstrosity looks like it slid down a chimney. Isiah can you tell me why this creation looks like Alessa’s stunt double from Silent Hill? “UUUGHHHH SPLAT!!!”….. What was that sound?
Oh, dear heavens, someone get a mop! One of the Food Gods just lost their lunch!
Peanut butter and chicken? Look, I’m all for culinary experimentation, but some things are sacred. Did your taste buds get lost on the way to “Flavor Town” and end up in some bizarre, alternate dimension where this is considered acceptable? Gandhi himself couldn’t find peace with this dish. Next time stick to the classics, and leave the peanut butter for sandwiches and the chicken for its rightful place in a stir-fry. I think I need to pray before I lose my sanity.
Prayer
Oh, dear Food Gods, we gather here today to witness a tragedy in the form of… squints… Peanut Butter Chicken Treats? This… this… Peanut Butter Chicken Treat is a travesty, a culinary abomination that should be banished from the Earth. It’s like trying to mix oil and water. This concoction of food garbage ain’t fusion, this is confusion! We implore you, oh Food Gods, to forgive this misguided soul, but also to grant us strength in the face of such a culinary catastrophe. We pray for Isiah’s taste buds, for they know not what they’ve done. May your divine intervention guide him towards a recipe that doesn’t taste like a rodent’s last stand in a pantry raid gone wrong. Amen.
Never give up…even when your last meal looks like it lost a fight with the frying pan. Even if your meal suffered a brutal defeat against the frying pan, think of it as a learning curve. You’ll come back stronger, like a culinary Rocky Balboa! – Save My Snack
Verdict
In conclusion, while we commend the ambition of the chef, we must acknowledge that this dish was a misstep of epic proportions. This is a culinary crime that will forever be etched in the annals of food history. Isiah, I implore you to put down the jar of Skippy, step away from the chicken, and take a moment to reflect on the wisdom of the Food Gods. Go back to the recipe drawing board, and this time, leave the peanut butter out of it.
The court has reached a verdict. The defendant, Isiah, creator of the Peanut Butter Chicken Treats is found guilty of culinary negligence and gross disregard for taste buds. The court after much indigestion and deliberation sentences you to 24 hours of community service in the product aisle of a “Whole Foods” grocery store. We hope this time spent in this store will re-educate you on the natural harmony of ingredients and swear a solemn oath to never defile a peanut or a poultry product ever again!
Have your culinary exploits turned into epic disaster? Did your attempt at gourmet end up as a gourmet fail? If your cooking disasters are too hilarious to keep to yourself, email them to me at inquiry@savemysnack.com. From your burnt bread sagas to your soup that looks more like a swamp, I’m here to give your kitchen mishaps the roast they deserve. Click now and send those epic fails, and watch as your culinary catastrophe becomes comedy gold!
